Post 68

Actually i went to bed very early today and now is 1.23am...12am mikkiel wake up and he asking for milk and go make and feed him and while he finish his milk i am not able to go back to sleep...Switch on the living room light and sit in the sofa and stare blank in my living room...I still cannot get myself back,sometime i wonder whywhy i just want simple and happy life and why my life have to affect by this stupid JERK....WOW KAO today afternoon call wendy tell her my problem,the calls end half way (it always happen a few times this few days with different people)...My tears drop and than sarah went to take a few pieces of tissuses and pass it to me while i saw her my tears just drop like the tap is leaking automatically...She climb up to the chair and sit on my lap and she sit infront of me and give me a sweet smile...I ask her to go down and go play toy mummy want to think of something later will go join u and normally she will yawn and cry but today she never she go and play with her toy and i start to think how i going to get over all this rubbish...DO u know living in a house and scare one day my address will be appear in someway...UNTIL now i never saw any faces on my hubby family coming up to say anything izzn't is the way they doing things...Although i do not ACCEPT any apologies from THAT JERK but i never see anything from them accept my hubby is going out here and there (until this type of situation THAT JERK still can find way to make my hubby to have conflict with his parent )....WHO KNOW MY FEELING, do i never ever think to call the police and settle everything,who know THAT JERK used my address to go borrow how many loan shark i call the police while the ah long runner come and make trouble how many time can i call the police if i call THAT JERK will go in to the jail and we have to pay for his debt and WHERE we have so much money to pay...WHO is the one who is suffering.?THAT JERK HIS FAMILY OR MY FAMILY i will never make myself stress up because of this but i really need time to wash away this memories and is not one to two days things once i posted here about THAT JERK in my blog i have start worry till now and hubby say is areadi over and his parent will settle this debt and all the debt for THAT JERK but in my mind how can i believe THAT JERK word..EVEN if he end his life i will never attend his funeral cos all the problem created i dun care how he feel but he makes my every days of quarrel with my hubby,the nightmare,the lack of sleep and even more....I never ever hate a person so badly but him he the FIRST one...i regret to agreed with his mum that JERK is not a very bad person when the first time the parent come up to settle argument with hubby cos of that JERK i take back my words...THIS time round who help him to say whatever also no use i dun care is who i will never forget what THIS JERK do to us and dun say forgive him...


"i will be able to stand up but i just need more time...."
"i really need a change in my everything...."
"i should not be so anything to let some people take granted about me......"
"I am anything but doesn't mean i am NOTHING...."

"People will make mistake u must forgive and forgave" this sentence is for those who deserve to forgive not those who can harm is own family member...ESPECIALLY TO THIS JERK

Drug addict and Gambler is the same once u hook it is hard to quit
But if u willingly to changes i believe people will give u chances
But down the road it really hard to lives
cause this world is alot of temptation...
ONE SENTENCE OF ADVICE: Determine in lives might not be wrongs cause noone can decided how ur lives going to be,depend how u walk down the roadpath...

Taking drug or gamble is not a very big mistake BUT ACCEPT the punishement and Try not to go back to the path i know is very hard but when u want to go back to the lives u having think whether what u will lost dun cry with tears and u will never get back what u have when is lost...Regret will never was away by years it will stay with u until u die...

How ever i believe nobody life will be perfect,just make the life to the best to make it close to perfect...

When u want to make a mistake and say sorry try to think Can u kill a person and say sorry than u decide whether u want to do it...
Big or small mistake is still a mistake is up to a person whether to forgive u anot...

Do not push blame to people when things go wrong,life is yours up to u to choose...the life is in ur hand not other...

i am 26 years old , i cannot alway let people to affect my life and than i start to throw my temper to anyone i like and tell my problem to those friend who lend me my listening ear and i don't want to look like 40 and i am 26...Above the phrase is not copy from somewhere i think of myself....This is my 26 years i am living in this world what i had learn and gone throught and the people i met to let me have some inspiration to write so many but i don't know i write in correctly but i can understand can areadi...Selfishness is no wrong in life but too selfish will end up to be aloner but being too generous will let people take advantage just love myself more abit so i will not have some many complain and grumble and make myself so contradicting and than make those who care and concern about me to worry so in order i have to love myself abit more and not always think how to talk and dun let people get hurt cos i think this type of people is getting extinct cos why must i think of other and let people hurt me..i will never let anyone including u who see my blog to hurt me by anyway if u never think of my feeling i also can dun care ur feeling...

The last things to mention:

I wanted to thank to my family include my parent and my relatives and my friend who care and concern about me about this matter i really very grateful to u all...Those who lend their ear to listen to my problem and waste their phone bills...I am very thankful i have u all in my life...

Now is 3.09 am and i still here i take 1 hours plus to finish this post....i will not come back to post unless i have get back myself...