my beloved grandma passed away 11082010
i am very very sad
i still cannot accept the fact
i haven't even cool myself down
i haven't even take a deep BREATHE
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I think is september
LOAN SHARK COME AND WRITE
ON THE WALL OUTSIDE
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Paint slashed on my RED DOOR
and mikkiel had step on the paint on his LEFT FOOT
and that day i CHASED THAT FATHER AWAY

the police report
(2009-2010)The same things
HARASSED DEBTOR
and forget to add 1 innocent adult n 2 children..

END OF the mid year
i did tell him
pls him beg him
GIVE THE 3 of us A PEACE LIFE
HE EVEN KNEW MY MOTHER IS GOING TO OPERATION
AND HE KNEW MY FATHER HAD CANCER LONG TIME AGO
WILL YOU BEAR TO TO LET THEM WORRY ANOT
OR YOU WANT TO HAVE A BETTER LIFE
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,
,
,
,
,
THIS IS THE PRESENT FOR ME
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,
when i got all this,smell to much thinner and paints
and all this stuff
i get sick
BY ALL THE PRESENT I RECEIVED
I ALMOST DEAD
AND
I HAD TO ACCEPT WHAT HE DID
IS NOT EASY
I 'm a HUMAN TOO
THE CHILDREN DUN DESERVE THIS TYPE OF TREATING
WE ARE INNOCENT
IF I REALLY DIED
who going to take care of my 2 precious
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THINGS HAD NOT END YET
;
;
;
;
;

The latest PRIVATE LOANER
(A FATHER OF 2 precious)
Very nice to do so
what will u feel
when u have a so called husband like this..??????
AND SOMEHOW
the children have a daddy like this
>>
I am a human
tell me who can take this
and i dun even force him to go borrow
and
I SWEAR I NEVER GET A SINGLE CENT ALSO...

Somehow i am falling tired of all this bloody problem that caused by this father of the children.. 2009 loan shark harassment had been nearly made me crazy 2010 again the same things is happening LOAN SHARK CASES AGAIN end of the year find out he go borrow money from PRIVATE LOANER the START of 2011 12012011(today) Private loaner came up... I am waiting more to come up and do whatever they wants this irresponsible MAN throw everything behind to let me CLEAR HIS MESS amd BEG ME TO HELP HIM TO BORROW 5k for him.. HE CAPABLE TO BEG when he HAVING DEBTS IF I HAVE 5K myself,i will bring my kids and run out this HELL, end up telling me if they come up and splash paint or what He think used this way to tell me i will go and help him to borrow around..I not yesterday just born i had enough of this, i now open the door to wait them to come and do what they want...AND WHEN COME TO FAMILY ,WHEN I HAVENT START TO GO OUT AND WORK AND I AM STAYING AT HOME BEING A HOUSEWIFE LOOKING AFTER CHILDREN>>>i have to worry family expenses even though i am not working till now I HAVE TO ASK FOR MY FRIEND,RELATIVES FOR HELP AND TOTAL THIS FOUR YEARS total IS 4k+++..
(BORROW , RETURN , Borrow, RETURN)
WHo want to live this TYPE OF LIFE...

CNY YEAR IS ROUND THE CORNER
I HAD TO DRAG MYSELF TO SUFFER ALL THIS
AND MY PARENT IS OF COURSE
WORRY ABOUT THE 3 of US..
I know my parent is sick
so i doesn't want them to know since my grandma passed away
they are feeling very down
all thank to HIM AGAIN...

I am trying my very best to to GET WELL and DRAG MYSELF TO WORK EVEN HOW PAIN HOW SICK.. Although i put my precious in his parent or his care doesn't mean i dun want him.. Teacher call me at 19,01 the childcare end at 1900 I eventually had brought sarah back home, I never been late to brought my 2 precious home before HE BROKE THE RECORD.. I worry about him whether he got eat well,sleep well ,drink well whether is he happy at the home anot... Everyday i brought sarah home i like missing of something the feeling is so :(..

Mummy ask me not to cry so much wait u blind than u know..

How can i dun cry
can someone teach me..
i try to
but i really cannot..

My brain cannot stop
thinking
when my house will be burn by those LOAN SHARK when i can bring mikkiel and sarah back together like the past when when everything will be a stop..

I dun like people keep helping me
i will feel uneasy
but when i need help
10 out 5 will help me
I am very grateful
but owning someone a favour
also not good.
when u can help if they got problem
is ok
the problem is when they need help
i cannot help
i feel very very bad
this is the problem..

I can do is to work hard earn more money
but
IF THIS PROBLEM IS GOING ON AND ON
Loan shark
or whatever shark
I MIGHT TURN TO A CCRAAZY WOMAN
OR
SLEEPING IN THE COFFIN..

I ALSO DUN KNOW WHY CAN I SURVIVE TO NOW AND CAN EVEN UPDATED I TREASURE MY LIFE BUT SOMETIME A MACHINE ALSO WILL BREAKDOWN DUN SAY A HUMAN BEING..

How can i dun bother & worry THIS HOUSE I AM NOW IN .....IS ALSO MINE -HALF..